Censorship

When I was a kid I would draw and sketch at school when we had free time and sometimes while the teacher was talking about something or another. I just created from my heart, something I was very good at at that time. I found myself creating all these images of powerful women. As my artistic vision developed my mind’s eye presented this as fire breathing and flying women. Prior to second grade the images had just been of the human form as I played around and developed technical skill. Once I understood the concept I created women fully in the throughs of pregnancy. I had no tool box for fully developing the ideas that I had in my mind at the time but looking back I see it’s easy to analyze. I was creating art depicting women doing what I thought made them amazing, creating life and breathing a force of light energy like fire into the world. It was all symbolic of my innate reverence for the feminine creative force, the women themselves simply represented this. Over time as my second grade teacher began to notice my art she made it very clear that she did not believe I should have been putting these images onto paper. She was apparently made extremely uncomfortable by what she saw in my art. I believe it was more my fearlessness pride and even gratitude surrounding the strong influences of this energy on my personality and life path. Not so much that I was creating the images, I don’t recall there being anything graphic about the images. I think she even felt the dryness of suppressed rage that I at such a young age was so secure in something that in her mind should have been taboo to me. What this lady didn’t understand was that I at even that age somehow understood where my propensity for creativity came from. This was not about her gender identity or mine but much deeper and beyond something so trivial and 4 dimensional. At such an early age it is difficult not to absorb temporarily some of that negativity even if you don’t stop doing what you do. I began to feel so ostracized by both her and other students that I didn’t want people to see my art. I began to believe myself strange because I kept creating inflammatory images without trying to. My art became shallow and directed from an exterior world view as I no longer thought I should show people what was in my heart because it scared them. I had been censored for the first time in my life but this would not be the last time the attempt was made. She had given the beginners course on how to deal with the wider world. Her message had been audit your creative thoughts before committing them to reality unless you want to be cast off as a lunatic. It cost me several years without inspiration but I’m grateful I have this event to look back on. It was the beginning of my life lesson in self expression despite and in the presence of adversity. So fuck you lady wherever you are, no hard feelings but I don’t give a shit how much anyone hates something I produce from my heart because those things are pure little pieces of me.

Censorship is death ♥

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