Road trips and gratitude

…And I’m back in New England. A change of scenery was in order and an order of business had to be busied. As I worked my way to the end of phase 1 of my planting I couldn’t help but focus on the impending court drama. I came to the conclusion that the only reason to delay any longer would have been fear and I make it a rule never to give in to fear of anything. So I packed my little blue car with essentials including a few snacks and set out north. Estimating the drive at 14 hours because I had seen this conservative number somewhere online. Maybe I never actually did, maybe it was an automatic mental defense to keep me motivated who knows. In the end the drive was more like 16.5 hours and although it may seem silly those extra 2.5 hours were crucial! I reached the edge of Connecticut and for a second I felt the surge of warmth that comes with reaching one’s destination. But this was an illusion! As I drove through the little towns, past the little gas stations the faces in the other cars had melted away. I felt as mechanical as my car, I suppose I could feel the results of our chemical combination. Panic began to set in. I appreciate my talent for connecting with things that I interact with but sometimes it leaves me open to things like this. I had a minor meltdown on the phone with my friend that forced all the feelings up and out so that I could complete my journey.

I arrived only to have the whole thing postponed AGAiN. But it was definitely ok because I had come to realize something. All of a sudden while making some seed beds I was overcome by a sense of gratitude for the person who sucked me into the situation. I was thrown into a state of burnout that made me reprioritize my life right then and there. My life was thrown into complete disarray, a state of pure creative potential energy and boy did I create. I built this site and started a garden that will produce food long after I leave it alone. I found sanctuary and healing right under my nose, with my family and in the foundations of my life. The timing of everything was even perfect for me to bring all my projects to a point of stability. By the time that time was pressing toward me I was ready to be back in the grind and the familiar burn for adventure was back. I had secured myself  a car and therefor my own means of getting anywhere. I had the contacts I made before I left and I sensed they were solid so I rang them up. I was able to retreat reset and go for it again harder better stronger and smarter. I had already turned the hassle into an opportunity, that is what it is and I’m grateful for all of my opportunities. I arrived on 4/14 I have been working since 4/16 I’ve been offered a permanent living arraignment already. I left The carolinas with $200. It cost me $175 in gas and tolls to arrive in the kingdom of taxachussets. I had $24 on 4/15, but by 4/16 I was comfortable with food, gas, and I had money in my pocket because of a little help from a sympathetic friend and a great tip. It all worked out and I saw my situation doing just that from the outset.

I’m thoroughly enjoying my life at this point, more so than at any other time in my life. I do only what I want to do, and I spend my days doing what I love or working toward my own goals. I fought and raged for freedom from this system designed to feed off my spiritual energy. But through an attempt to ruin my life I was granted my freedom through my own thinking. Having everything stripped away that way taught me that my agenda is of supreme importance because those things are a part of my life path, not punching a clock or working to make some asshole rich. My life Is exactly as I decided to have it be and I’m so grateful. I’m still stabilizing and working toward maximum security as most of us are but this is exactly the way I envisioned doing it a long time ago. I control my own schedule and I’m free to be anywhere when I need to be. Whenever I need to be with family I can clear my calendar and head to SC, something I never saw the importance of until I had to do it. It’s something I have been in a position to do for a year and 1/2, now I just appreciate it enough to allow it to make me happier. Yes sometimes even though a situation may be based in evil towards you it can bring you good and growth. The intent was definitely negative but that doesn’t change the fact that her role as a catalyst for transformation was integral.   So now you can wipe the perplexed look off your face, the one I got from my granny and my friends. I’m seriously grateful and for good reason.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥roadtrips&gratitude

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